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Signing autographs is part of a singer's job. So is staying on top of fan mail. I read that Joan Crawford answered every single piece of fan mail personally with an autographed 8x10. When the studio or her husband grumbled, she protested that she owed everything to her fans. She said that her fans are the ones that made her a star.

I'm not the perfectionist that Joan Crawford was, but when I received a request from Germany for four autographed photos, I did feel guilty enough to not delete the email for a month. I grappled with the concept for over 30 days, weighing the pros and cons. I haven't had the need to have a box of 8x10s printed in close to a decade. Almost everything is done electronically nowadays. Should I spend a few hundred dollars on making my fans happy? The economy is bad and money is extra tight for me. On the other hand, if work is slow, then I should take extra care to manicure my fan base? I'm sure those people will come to my next show in Germany.

In the end, I place a print order for Kim Nalley postcards with my performance schedule on the back. I autograph, address and affix $1.50 in stamps to four of these postcards and mail them to Germany.

A week passes and I receive an email from Poland.

Hello Kim!

My name is Piotr. I am 33 years old. I live in a little village in Poland, together with my wife Kate and two sons Albert and Adrian. We are happy and we lead quiet live. I have been your fan.

I really admire you and I think you are very good in that what you do.

I was wandering if you could. Send me your autograph.

I would be grateful.

Thank you in advance.

Your sincelery

Piotr

I am barely done reading this email, when I get another email from Germany. At this point I'm starting to wonder if I am being put on by a bored teenager. I forward the emails to a tech friend of mine for a second opinion. Over the next four hours, I receive a request from China and another one from Germany.

I get a few overseas requests for autographs, but not this many… and in less than 24 hours! I begin to worry if my mailbox will soon be deluged. What if this is a scam? What if it isn't? I wonder if vegetables soaking up vodka in a Bloody Mary constitutes "sincelery."

Finally, I write back to my Polish villager, the two sets of four fans in Germany and Gao Wei in China, and tell them all that I'm very sorry, but due to costs, I can only send autographs accompanied by a CD purchase. But I hope to change this policy when the American economy gets better.

Later that night I am researching the return paths with my tech friend and discover the email from Poland came from Poland, the German ones came from Germany and the Chinese one came from China. I feel a crushing wave of guilt and regret sweep over me. Gao Wei wrote that he loves me very much and he has a dream. A dream that he hopes I will help him realize. A dream that I crushed with a typically mercenary American reply.

They will never understand that, in my country, jazz musicians are really not that high up on the food chain. My royalty checks could be completely consumed by stamps in a matter of minutes. They will never understand. I suppose it is better if they don't. Didn't Joan Crawford keep the show up? Was she ever seen in public without makeup?

Tomorrow my bleeding heart will find its way back to the post office, to part with $10 or $20 dollars in postage. I just really hope this generates some super-dense plasma.